I'm always a little skeptical of the NGO's and volunteers here because from my experience with them and various organizations here I've learned that they teach that their ideology, the western ideology, is best and I'm under the opinion that it's better to preserve your own culture rather than adopt somebody else's. Some of the organizations are questionable because in the long run few offer any true help. There are those, however, that effectively work in preserving certain things like dance and art and that's great. But I've talked to a lot of NGO's here and they've basically said that you have to accept that things here are what they are and they've accepted that a lot of programs will fail. But a lot of them come because it's a free means of travel so... It's nice to meet other volunteers and it's great that they're doing it I just question whether or not it's really effective or even necessary. I say this now because I just met a really nice north korean kid on my walk over here and he was telling me about how he teaches tae kwan do and he gave me the volunteer packet. I will say having missionaries here is useless because Ghana is such a religious place.

You see it everywhere from the messages on the back of tro tro's and taxi's to the music. I go to church with my homestay and a LOVE that they have made Catholicism relevant to their culture. They dance and drum and the priest uses traditional stories to tell a moral. It does get a little intense. When we were at the botanical gardens there was a pentecostal church meeting and there was this woman hysterically screaming and people were attacking her and putting their hands over her face and saying "come out demon... by the power of jeeeeeesus." There's a Pastor from Nigeria called Pastor Chris. He's so famous his church services are held in stadiums. No joke. They believe he heals. Some of the staff members even have his voice as their ring tone so in the village whenever Ana got a call we heard "you are blessed in your body... in the name of JEEEEEEEESUS."

In the village we went to a Methodist church with Nana (she was great I'll tell you about her later) and it was only spoken in Twi and there were only 4 people and it was in a school room. I told Jessica later that it was intense to hear all of them praying like that for everyone to hear and she thought it was amazing that people were so open to pray in public because I would NEVER do that.

There's this church called the Charismatic church where people just dance. They were worshipping one afternoon in the village so we danced with them for a bit. You dance everywhere here so I've learned not to be shy about it because they LOVE if you know the traditional dance. Every time we went to see a dance performance we were always asked to dance afterwards. I've even had a few dance solo's. It was a little awkward in the shrine because I knew they were making fun of me, they dressed me up in the skirt so I looked like a traditional priest and had me dance.

We happened to be in Ghana at the time of independence day and to celebrate every kid marches. It's this weird thing they do at the school and I don't know if it's disciplinary or because they truly enjoy marching. You'll pass schools a lot and see the kids marching. We were asked to march as our own school which we immediately rebuked because we knew it was another way of laughing at the white man and having white people march and say "Ghana is my own Ghana is my own." But the staff made us do it anyways and a lot of the kids did laugh. It was just a weird setting because in the villages people don't see white people so kids would stand 5 feet away at us and just stare and that gets overwhelming because you're standing in front of 50 kids. I learned that if you stare back they get really uncomfortable and go away.

The kids were great in the village. To a degree. The first day we were there was very overwhelming because they all stared and I lived in the chief's house which was right across from where we had all our meals and meetings so when I went to bed that first night they just stared at me through the window. And we all played with the kids and danced with them and learned ampa and some of their games and we taught them a few in return. The thing about kids is that they never tire and there comes a point where you're finally tired and just wanna be by yourself and because I was usually the one to drag the kids off so they wouldn't bother the rest of us I ended up being the person to tell them to finally go home. So every night I'd adopt my most threatening voice and yell "MO KO FIE" (EVERYONE GO HOME!) but because I'm me kids never take me seriously so they'd shrug their shoulders and go me n'ko. I won't go. So every time I saw them they'd yell to me ko fie. I don't even think the staff took me seriously but that was another issue.

We met Ana in Accra and she stayed with us in Kumasi and for what ever reason she decided I was her favorite "obruni". Her reasoning was "you are beautiful. I like your shape. You have a nice boom boom." But in the village she completely got on everyone's nerves. We went out one night and treated them all to drinks and she got really drunk and was screaming her head off. Then there was that issue where she never did her job and slept under a tree all day.

In the village we weren't being fed properly. Auntie Grace was in charge of everything. She decided what we ate and how much and poor Mavis, the cook, would cry because she knew we weren't getting enough. It's insane how the portions were so small and according to the program coordinators they pay A LOT of money for food for us in the village and since we weren't seeing any we knew Auntie Grace was dipping into our funds. Majorly. It got to a point where it affected all of us because one night they just gave us fried yam chips. Every day it was pasta and tomato sauce and our bodies felt like they were dying because we weren't getting the right nutrition and we were starving. We all hit a breaking point. Mine was when I got really sick and spent a whole day puking everything. I was so scared I had malaria and it's horrible to think about because you're so far from a clinic that you'd have to walk 20 minutes to the next village and get a cab to the nearest town to take a tro tro to Kumasi. And if you have malaria that's not something you want to deal with. I don't understand how people in the village can deal with that. It's a real eye opener because yeah here we were not eating enough but you know the kids weren't being fed right and it's infuriating because they have everything they could ever need at the farm. The parents would rather spend money on apateshee than send their kids to school.

To get drinking water we had to walk to the next village and that was usually by the time we ran out of water and the water hole was locked off more than once so you couldn't even bathe or if you wanted to you had to go to the next village. And carrying water is REALLY hard.

It was a little hard because the staff beat up on me a lot. They made fun of my size and told me I was too quiet. When I was sick Ana jumped on me and kept shaking me and I was so furious because the slightest movement made me puke. But I'm made of stronger stuff. I shouldn't have taken it and there are times I get annoyed at myself for being so nice. That final night all of us had had enough mistreatment of the staff. Our breaking point was realizing that they were stashing all the food that Aline had paid for (Auntie Grace made Aline buy groceries when she was in Kumasi and never paid her back).

There's probably a reason I hated Kumasi so much. In my homestay there was this girl, Doreen and every night she would mock me and taunt me in twi. She caught me writing a letter to Greg one night and I showed her the picture and they all caught the way I was looking at it so I guess they knew that he really meant something. So she'd say Greg is probably cheating on you... he doesn't care... and had she known how I was dealing with that particular issue at the time... It was awful because I was still going through culture shock and here she is with her 20 year old cousin mocking me. One night she took my key from me and threatened to take my stuff and I'd had enough so I grabbed her hand and told her in my nicest voice that should she do so I'd tell SIT how horrible the visit was. And that I would have to explain to her Aunt why she was missing out of hundreds of cedis. After that she stopped and was a lot nicer. Because people don't joke about money here.

I do everything I can to always be polite and kind in dealing with that stuff. When someone asks you for money or food you tell them you're a great person but I don't have money to hand out. I've had to deal with a lot of stuff like that and it's unfair to those who are kind and don't try to cheat me because I'm always on my guard. It's especially different because I'm a girl.

I'm having an amazing time here so I don't mean to say I'm having a hard time. There are nights that are hard. But I expected that and it was the reason I chose this program instead of going anywhere in Europe. I only wish I didn't have to deal with a horrible fall out with the person I really cared about while I was here. That made things hard on top of what was already hard. I even came to this silly conclusion that all men are horrible. I really am enjoying myself. I get to drum and dance and make batiks and beads and write and hear stories. I struggle a little bit but like I said, I'm made of stronger stuff and every day I do everything I can to make sure I'm happy.


So I took a few hits. It's only made me realize how fortunate I am.

Another week has gone by and I'm starting to realize I've only got three weeks left. I'm trying to be productive and get work done when I can. Because I'm studying storytelling I've just been going around to different departments asking if they have any stories to tell, where the story came from, how the story is used to teach. On the long end of things I'm studying how theatre (another form of storytelling) is used to spread awareness about AIDS, domestic violence, teenage pregnancy, etc., and how the University teaches its students here about theatre and development. I was given a list of books they read for the class and they're mostly western authors and the next step is going with the students to see them act in front of children and see what kind of stories they tell. Though I've seen a bit of this kind of performance art in Cape Coast and it was a huge let down.

So that's what I've been up to school wise.

Otherwise I've been good. It's a little hard sometimes when you want to have someone to talk to because you've had a bad day or had to deal with something you didn't want to deal with. And it's not like you can just talk to the people here because they're so culturally different and basically any bad day you have really doesn't stand what they've had to put up with their whole life. Or you'll see a guy wheeling himself on the street because he has polio begging for money. Or a dog stuck in a sewer.

But I'm doing really well. I try really hard to actually be with the people and be within the culture I'm in. There are other students here who stick together and refuse to eat the traditional food and only go out with each other. I'm living with a Ghanaian family. I eat the traditional food no matter what it does to me and yes because the food has such little nutritional value I can feel my body breaking down. I wash my own clothes and I've actually gotten good at it. I'm a little embarrassed because my hands are so soft scrubbing the clothes with them broke the skin.

I also haven't seen what I look like in forever so this weekend I had a vanity weekend where I left my hair down and dressed nice. I don't bother most days because I'm not interested in that right now and I really don't want to be attractive because it only brings more attention to you from the men. Most men here are okay but sometimes I get so infuriated by the way they treat women. We met a Paramount Chief in Klikor and because all us students are girls we took offense when he told us he deals with domestic cases and tries to keep the man from going to jail because there are kids involved. And we just looked at him and were like yeah because if there's kids involved he's probably beating them too. There was this one situation where we were waiting for dinner and the restaurant happened to be on the beach. There was a group of men nearby and they stopped me and I figured why not I can talk to them for a little bit. They treated the waitress with such disrespect and the men were so slimy. I understand I'm in a different culture but that doesn't make it right to treat women the way you do, no matter how educated you are. The worst was when one man tried to put his slimy paw on me and at that point I had enough and told him what I thought of him but of course because I'm American it only made it funny.

We deal with a lot of that from men. I just wonder what the boys are experiencing because it's so different. The boys are treated like gods. When we were in the village I was shocked by the staff because they tried to tell us as girls we should do work for Toby. When we were at the farm they made me carry the basket back on my head because I'm a woman and staged Toby behind me with the machete.

Sometimes it can be funny. I got stopped by a man on the road telling me he liked me too much and wanted to marry me and I just told him hey you keep on walking down that road you're gonna find your wife. Then his brother came and tried to tell me that a poor American man can come here and be rich but I really don't think they understand that there is poverty in America and that the poor man can't afford a trip here. They think America is this huge dreamland and there comes a point where you're tired of people asking you for a Visa or to marry them. They assume you're rich and made of all this money. But I keep telling myself it's the situation and I just smile and walk away.

I watch friends every night with my homestay brother and it keeps me human. I broke down and bought two books, Slaughterhouse 5 and short stories by Virginia Woolf. I realize now where you're homesick it's probably best not to read an anti-war novel but I desperately needed something american to hold on to. I didn't bring anything of comfort like everyone else, no IPOD or teddy bears or pictures. I really miss my music but every night when my homestay puts country on I come out and sing "It's a great day to be alive." It makes me feel better. I brought one thing of comfort but it just makes me sad now so I try not to look at it.

They play country here a lot and I've become this scout every time I hear it I follow the noise and it makes me feel so much better. Or I've taken to singing the songs to my family and dancing which they enjoy because putting yourself through those motions just makes you so much happier.

At the night market I meet up with American students because they eat there every day. Which I'm scornful of because they live on campus and instead of eating the traditional food they're eating tofu sandwiches. We just have different experiences. Me and my friends got caught openly gawking at this one American kid because we hadn't seen a boy in so long. We didn't even see his face we were just staring at the back of him. I don't know why I need those days where I just have to know I'm still attractive and I'm still human but I think it's part of the break up process where I get back into things again and it just feels good to know you look nice. I wore my hair down one day and my homestay brother kept putting his hands through it because they're not used to hair like mine. He told me "it's nice... just like Oprah."

So I'm keeping on. I do what I can to make every day a good day and I make friends and ask everyone how they're doing. I love that when people leave they say me ko ba meaning I go come. Or that you can greet someone a gazillion ways and everyone wants to say hi.

There's this kid in my neighborhood everytime she sees me she runs to me and shouts obibini and gives me a hug. Obibini means black person. It's the opposite of obruni which means western white man. It's endearing. One day we were late for church and she ran up and hugged me and my homestay brother just looked at her and was like "eh! why such foolishness."

I try when I can to play soccer with the kids. Futbol is huge.

Anywho my time is running low so until next time,
Marissa.

Easter Weekend

I can't tell you how much time I spent worshipping the lord. I went to church on Thursday and it was a three hour mass and just when I thought we were done he made us go through an hour of prayer which I spent napping on the seat in front of me pretending to pray. I was really tired and it was really intense because people were speaking in tongues and praying aloud everywhere and it was just really intense. I also went to a gospel concert where I worshipped the lord some more with song and dance. Again, there was speaking in tongues but I think with things like that you just have to take it for what it is.

I think my homestay family caught on to my attempts of avoiding gaining a ridiculous amount of weight. They feed me so much that I 'm never hungry for the next meal. They give me a dish of rice that's supposed to feed four people and tell me to eat all. I can't! But they've noticed that I haven't gained weight and I've actually lost a l ot of weight but they say that when I go home to my mother she has to know that where I came from I was given plenty of food. Which may or may not mean that I can no longer trick them and eventually will have to succomb to gaining weight. A lot of students have actually packed on a few pounds because the food is so different but that hasn't affected me at all. I finally gave up on porridge, yams and goat. I can't eat goat because they' re so adorable and no I'm not becoming a vegetarian but I would just never eat goat and you see them on the road everywhere. In the village other students put in to kill a goat but I couldn't do it. There was no way. I would probably end up crying hysterically. There was already a case in the village where I caused a bit of a raucous.

They treat dogs here really badly and it makes me really sad and I don't even understand why they have dogs if they're so cruel to them. They beat the dogs and kick them and I have a really big issue with that. Anywho, in the chief's compound, me being the person I am I ended up befriending the dog which was bad because then it got this conception that white people were nice. So the dog would harrass everyone and the other students didn't want to be bothered by the dog. So they'd kick it away which, unfortunately, was the only way to get it to leave you alone. My breaking point with the dog was when one of the boys took a stick and started whacking the dog. I was so furious that I stepped in a took the dog in my arms which I shouldn't have done because that confused the dog even more. What I really wanted to do was ta ke the stick f rom the kid and beat him with it.

I don't think I can ever eat a pig ever again. I don't know what's worse. Hearing it scream or hearing it stop. I call that fateful day the silence of the pigs.

People here are much more productive because t hings aren't processed like they are back home so you know you're eating food that is good for you. They cook EVERYTHING from scratch and the young girls are such hard workers in the families. Believe me, I tried carrying water a few times to my compound and it is no easy task. Water is so precious you don't even realize. When we wash our clothes we use the soapy water to flush the toilet. And toilets have been a really interesting experience, let me tell you.

I hope I'm not repeating anything! Transportation is a little stressful but it's so cheap to get anywhere and it's nice to be able to get to the beach so easily. I know what happens in the beach so we don't have to mention that but it 's so hot and the tide is so strong that you just hope it gets washed away. But yes people do... uh... defecate on the beach. We've seen it happen.

I've learned to not be so surprised by much. First coming here I really missed the commercialness of america and having clean reliable stores but now I really love being able to buy whatever you want in the market. I'm going to have a ton of dresses made from batik and my homestay brother is going to take me to where his aunt works so I can make some more batiks. It's amazing and beautiful and so much fun. It's also nice to be independent and go out. Some people worry but most people are really nice. Don't g et me wrong, I'm still shrewd and smart enough to tell people I know that they're trying to cheat me. They say those that are nice are god fearing and Christianity here is SO prevalent it's insane.

People also like to listen to a lot of christian country :ie: today I heard Jesus take the wheel by Carrie Underwood. Everywhere I go there's always music and when people dance I dance. It's amazing and they LOVE when you know how to dance the traditional dances and speak in twi. It's a good way to make friends.

Anywho, until next time!
Marissa.

I did promise a better update!

I know where I am staying! I am going to be living in Accra with my homestay family which is great. Others have gotten apartments but I really really love the family dynamic. This morning I met my homestay mom's sister. She has this strong british accent and is so forward thinking. She does batiks and is pretty much awesome. And so is my homestay brother. Today we're all going to a play. Which is the greatest part because I am studying theatre and storytelling AND batik on the side. So it's the most fabulous situation. I'm probably going to be very obnoxious and glowy from here on out.

So I'm not doing Tamale which is a shame because the most gorgeous belgium was there and he didn't have the greatest accent or the greatest English but he was really nice to look at. People don't age here. A 40 year old looks like they're twenty. It's insane!

I made beads and pottery using natural materials. I even went to the bush to get them. I've also... what else did I do...?

I've learned the abojah and the abogo and adua. Forgive the spelling.
I went to Mole. I got charged by an elephant which was sweet. I got to see an elephant in a natural habit and it was beautiful. And I saw some woman get taunted by a baboon. When me and Jessica were walking back to our rooms we saw two antelopes eating under a tree in the rain.

In the village I studied with a great traditional priest. I sat under sacrified sheep jaws for my interviews which was interesting. I am NEVER eating pork again. People slaughter their meat here and some of the people in our village group wanted to buy a goat but you have to kill it yourself and I didn't want to be responsible for that. And at the shrine one day I saw a pig get taken and I didn't know what was worse. It squealing or hearing it stop. I refer to it as the silence of the pigs. Clarice, I know what you were talking about. There was another situation where one of the men in the chief's house brought a sheep into the compound. Jessica and I just looked at each other in horror but it was raining really really hard so he just tied it next to the bathroom. The only problem with that is in that time it sat next to the bathroom I feel I got close to it. And talking about bathrooms it was just a hole 30 feet down with little places to put your feet. It was worst when I had to pee at night. I just sat there praying that I could last til the morning. I also prayed not to get malaria because if you can imagine to get to the clinic you had to walk 40 minutes to the next village and then an hour tro tro to Kumasi. I really did like the village. It was relaxing but really... eye opening? Most parents don't care to put their kids through education and only two people go on to high school because the high schools are in Kumasi. Some students made Kente and others made baskets and apateshee. Apateshee is distilled palm wine and they distill it because its stronger distilled. You can drunk off of 2 shots. It's the nastiest stuff ever.

I thought about bringing some home because it's so cheap and interesting but I don't know.
I'm celebrating Easter with my family.

The past two weeks we were on our educational excursions. We went to Cape Coast and Krobo and the Volta region. I met the queen mothers.

I'm a little worried about the weight gain because I forgot how well my host mom fed me. She gave me a bowl of rice that could feed four last night and they told me to finish and I was just like uhhh.... yeah... about that...

Oh. And I am completely single now. No Greg. Which is really sad because you get close to people but he completely cut out and right now I have people that honestly care about me so why should I waste my time. I'm pretty, intelligent and I have amazing people around me so I'm not too concerned. And so much of that time I was so unhappy because I had to deal with all his issues and now I'm free. I want to enjoy being single. I'm not too worried. I hear he's looking to date which is great. Good for him. I'm a little sad because I thought I was that kind of girl that was worth it but I can do better than a fat kid who has no calves and can barely survive college. Sorry, those were the claws.

I am really content though and really excited about everything to come. I'm sorry he couldn't be a better person to at least be honest but you know, I'm done. Completely done with that. I don't even want to be friends. He's not worth it.

I miss you all. Tell me something American!
Until next time,
Marissa.